.. to hold your emotions in check when all you want to do is scream/punch/kjck/run out/rip/tear/etc. everything around you.
But... as you probably know, that is what I do best. (Stare in awe at how I cool I seem at negative criticism because that's all you're ever going to get)
And I do it because I hate showing emotion of that sort in public.
The downside, however, is having all of that turn into tears.
The frustration makes me cry.
And that is exactly how I felt today.
The ongoing frustration of having all that I want to do shot down every other week.
The frustrationg of being told that what I want to do is not the right thing to do and I should replan.
That is what happened that caused today.
Truth be told, if God forbid one of my tutors read this, I hated what I presented today.
I hated it with every fibre of my being (if you're one for fancy cliche sayings).
Yet, I tried to look like I loved it which probably resulted in a lacklustre presentation (For example: "Yeah and those are the interior views and... yeah.")
And then to be told that I've 'disappointed' someone... that was just the last straw.
I hate disappointing anyone.
However, everytime I show something that I want to do they say "It's not possible", "It's not logical", "You should do something else", "I don't think it's workable" despite the fact that I say I want it to tie-in with my dissertation.. then I'm told "I don't want to hear about your dissertation".
Thanks. Seriously. Thanks.
I know you're not supposed to please anybody.. but honest to God, pleasing yourself doesn't work either because they don't like that shit too.
I'm gonna watch The Rocky Horror Picture Show and give my brain a break before breaking the dissertation tonight.
Claire has offered to proofread for me.. and I her.
