I'm calming nerves... allow me to throw my brain up

“A normal man given a group photograph of school girl or Girl Scouts and asked to point out the comeliest one will not necessarily choose the nymphet among them. You have to be an artist and a madman, a creature of infinite melancholy, with a bubble of hot poison in your loins and a super-voluptuous flame permanently aglow in your subtle spine…”

Reading Lolita , somehow, does not scream "horrible-obscene-paedophilic-pornography".
(Yes, I have resumed reading)
The excerpt above was the first time it hit me that this man was lusting after a CHILD.
On that note, sometime after that (the above) was said, he gets to know the child through great deceit.. and in one scene, he was sitting with her on the couch. Things apparently got a little too hot for this man.
However, it wasn't until I reread the paragraph that I realised he was getting off!
I mentioned this before, Nabokov's writing is genius.

River Phoenix is hot.
(Was watching My Own Private Idaho again)
I love that movie. River Phoenix and Keanu Reeves.
Somehow, though, I wanted to see the two guys getting it on together without that girl.
I would die from nosebleeds.

I never realised he died.. due to the fact that I was too young at that time to even know about him.
It was after I watched My Own Private Idaho that I found out... and got sad.

I'm listening to Eminem.. wow wow. Don't mock.
My brother always listens to this song that I love called Beautiful.. and I finally got it.
I put this song next to Mockingbird and Sing for the Moment as the songs I love from Eminem.

I'm so afraid right now that even staring at River Pheonix and fantasizing about possible metaphysical relations is not enough to scare the fear away.