In primary school, right around the time I was 11 and started turning into a full-fledged tween, my Mum gave me her old Samsonite vanity case.
And when I mean OLD, I mean OLD.
Take a look.
Mine is in a beige/cream.
Obviously, these pictures are not mine for I do not own curling irons.
For some reason I loved it.
I guess I've always loved old, hand-me-down stuff.
I used it to keep all my 'secret' stuff in it.
My diary was in it and so was all the little sketches that I made.
[And those hate-letters that I used to write to people who pissed me off.. I shall explain more later]
In the later years though, junk piled up in it and I hardly used it anymore though I refused to let my Mum give it away or throw it.
That is because somehow, to me, it is of massive value and I refuse to let anybody else own something that I find valuable.
Not even if they pay.
I brought it out from under my old room's curtain just now and gave it a wipe down.
I opened it to discover that for the past four years, it has been storing all my cheerleading medals. So THAT IS where they disappeared to.
Anyway, I've decided to clear out the medals and use it to store proper things in it.
... And I think I need to use some real cleaners to clean up the surface. It'll be really pretty if I clean up the years of dust and dirt.
It is still in very good condition with the locks working perfect and everything :)
***
Now, on to the hate letters.
*Takes a second to laugh at my idiocy*
I'm a coin-box... according to my older sister.
I keep things in me.
So, in the past when family/friends piss me off.. on the surface, I took it really well and remained calm and was even capable of ignoring (because I've always found it troublesome to fight).
My sister once said "It's good that Lydia's able to ignore all of it"..
Little did she or anyone know that I'm not good at it at all.
My storage time can only last so long..
To manage my anger.. I used to 'write letters' to the people who annoy me. Without sending it to them of course.
I would even start of with "DEAR: so and so" and sign off with my signature.
The contents of the letter would describe in detail how I wish beat them up (usually for family) and how I wish to see them die (usually friends/enemies).
I kid you not. I was 10/11 around the time I started doing this.
In 2003, when we were clearing out our room to accomodate new beds, I discovered them hidden in the vanity case's lining. Which is apparently where I used to keep them.
I was truly shocked that my 10/11 year old mind was capable of conjuring up all that violent crap... and was somewhat amused at my apparent (closeted) insanity.
Now, I feel.. that the situation could have been potentially dangerous for me and for people around me for it is one thing to yell all that shit out at the people you hate but another thing altogether to plan 'murders' in the quiet.
I even had a 'hit-list'.. and it started off, I remember very clearly, along the lines of :
"If I've had enough of living and am going to kill myself, I shall bring these people with me..."
And then I listed down all the people I hated (and some of 'em.. still hating right now)
Seriously.
I might still have that list around somewhere.
Of course, the hate was for completely juvenile reasons but still... :S
It's kinda troubling to know I had those thoughts.
But I guess it kinda explains why, sometimes, I have spontaneous violent urges.
And if you annoy me enough, I might just physically hit you while pretending I'm doing it in jest.
I do believe there has been a few people that has experienced it.
In a way though, I feel like those hate-letters probably saved me from a whole lot of unwanted confrontations.. and knowing me, physical confrontations.
Nowadays, I keep my fists to myself.. just in case.
