... And I'll be old(er).
When I was 14 and was desperate to be older.. I used to dream of being 18.
18 is good, I thought.
18 is when I'm legal.
18 is when I'll probably gain the freedom I want.
18 is when I'll probably be able to make good decisions for myself.
18 is when I'll be a rockstar.
... Is what I thought.
When I became 18 and realised that it isn't all it's cracked up to be.. I fantasised about being 20.
20 will be better, I thought.
20 is when I'll no longer be treated as an irrational, irritating, immature teenager.
20 is when I'll officially be an adult.
20 is when I'll definitely be able to make good decisions for myself.
20 is when I'll be able to go out without having to seek permission beforehand.
20 is when I'll realise that rockstar-dom isn't going to happen and I'll be cool with it.
... And I was right.
I loved being 20.
But now... I'm going to be 23.
I'm not the kind of girl who looks forward to my birthday.
I don't sit around thinking about what people are gonna give me for presents.
I don't care much for parties, celebrations or festivities of any sort.
For as long as I can remember, I've always thought of birthdays as just another year closer to my inevitable doom.
However, as it occured to me 5 minutes ago, that I'll be 23 years old in 10 days time.. I started to wonder.
What if I had looked forward to my birthday as every other girl has?
Don't get me wrong.. It's not like I grimace at the thought of a birthday cake. My parents made sure we all had a cake at every birthday to celebrate.
I got a few presents over the years and it was always a surprise... especially from my parents for they aren't the present-giving sort.
But what if I had parties?
I had a party when I was 8 years old... and I hated it. It is filed under 'Horrible Memories to Forget' in the shelves of my mind.
I told my parents (who convinced me to have the party that year) that I'll never have another party.
I thought it was a waste of time.
For most of my 'party', I sat with my grandma at the dining table reading a book...
I had one at 18.. and it was comparatively better but it still wasn't how I'd have liked to spend my birthday.
My 18th birthday barbecue party was due to my father wanting a barbecue party... not me.
However, every year.. people ask me 'How are you going to celebrate your birthday?'
And when I say "Not celebrating"... They ask me "Why?"
Why?
Because it isn't important to me...
It's just another day...
And also...
Because I do not have enough friends to invite to make a 'party'.
All my friends on both sides of the rainbow that I will invite to a party can be counted with all the fingers I have attached to me.
So No.
I'm not having a party this year (Stop asking, by the way)
I'll be celebrating it like how I have been celebrating it for the past how many years.
With my family and the friends that I care for.
By the way... It falls on a Friday night... DRINKS!
